“I thought I didn’t qualify. Apparently I’m volatile, self-obsessed, and don’t play well with others.”
— Tony Stark.
[Submitted by: ihatewhatilove
If you encounter a middle-aged Caucasian with an eyepatch and a Brooklyn accent claiming to be me from an alternate universe, PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT HIM.
Cracker owes me money.]
[Submitted by: elsandry
It is inappropriate to make “In Soviet Russia…” jokes within earshot of Agent James Barnes AKA Bucky.
Capt. Rogers does not find them amusing either, although this is mainly due to the fact that he slept through the Cold War.]
[Submitted by: tokidokifish
I would like to invite all agents to disregard any and all memos circulated up to this point, as I have realized I am an anal-retentive spoilsport who hates fun.
ETA: Tony Stark is banned from S.H.I.E.L.D. premises for the next two weeks, and once again it is strongly suggested that all administrative personnel change their passwords on at least a weekly basis.
ETAA: It is further suggested that said administrative personnel avoid passwords like ‘motherfuckingstark’, as they are remarkably easy to guess.
ETAAA: Johnny Storm will be allowed and actively encouraged to call himself “The Firewall” if he uses that position to set Mr. Stark on fire.]
TONY HONESTLY
Director Nick Fury may be referred to using the following titles: Sir, Director, or Director Fury. He is NOT to be greeted with the phrase, “Hey gurl.”
[Submitted by: pantheraj
S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel are reminded that it is inappropriate, when Thor is throwing Mjolnir, to shout ‘It’s on a string!’ Regardless of how hard Loki may or may not giggle.]
HE DO WHAT HE WANT.
(via mpreg-tony)